a nice shot.

i was playing around with my tukun camera. this is the result. i didnt change anything except for the size.somehow this pix made a peace out of me. *wink wink*

fusion

I attend a wedding just now. The ambience is good and sweet. We as in dad and I were escorted to our seat by The grandfather of the bride. By looking at him, i remember my late granddad. How i wish he will be there to celebrate my not-near-soon day. As we enjoying the moment of the reception, we were served Tapai with ice-cream. a fusion, yes with malay traditional delicacy and western desert. Since i like fusion very much like chicken chop rice or spaggethi a'la thai, i tried the desert with hope that i would like it very much. It turns out, the taste is totally conflict with each other. The acidic taste from tapai mix together with sweetness of vanilla icecream, makes my tummy rumble to speed up the process of churning. There are times that we thought its the best combination but to some others its just totally wrong, totally disaster. super chaos. As for now, i spooned all the ice-cream and leave tapai alone in the cup while trying to straighthen my shocked-choked face.

Details in the fabric

-funny thing-

im currently at the office. keep on fidgeting waiting for next friday. I saw cars passing by and i keep on wondering, when will this stop. My brother ask a stupid question " how can we stop a waterfall?" after numerous tries, he answered "just take the pictures and itll stopped." wahahahaahahaha funny yet stupid. We like to exchange stupid question. like mine " When did G comes early than B?" the answer: When the lift is going down. He usually replied with illogical explanation. "Lift at my office doesnt have B, it only comes with LG1 and LG2." The only ties between both of us is a few similar strand of DNA. but i know he would stand up for me as i would for him. So hes getting married, which means the burden of being single will falls on me. The BIG questions will popped out from families mouth. shoot i hate this. Maybe i should leave the question with a scowl. Maybe by then people will stop asking. but i will possibly make a bad impression. should i?

-happy thing-

i have decided to buy the phone with hopefully no regret as i would with every single thing that ive bought.

-silent-

I think i should step away from a friendship for a while. then later i could pick up things where i left.

-vacation-

Hope my uncle didnt notice that im mia for the first 2 days of the vacation. or maybe he didnt know that ill be driving my dad to see him. with that reason i can rest my case. else, i need to find a valid reason.

virtual guy...

Sixty five feet below.
Why sixty five, he asked. I simply replied it just came out. Later he asked again, how far is sixty five feet below. I said it deep enough to buried past. He says my act is silly but I say its brave. Small talk with virtual him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

Sixty five feet above.
He ask, are you comfortable being up there?
I replied “of course I am. I choose this place remember.”
His question “why soo high?”
My answer “ because I can see the whole world..”
His question “why the world?”
My answer ”because it’s all I have now”
He said “ you have me”
My final say “I don’t have you, I created you because I was lonely”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
He appear again from this cataleptic thought.
He: how have you been doing?
I: no one came to claim me
He: why?
I: simply because no one is after me. I am not the beautiful princess like in kids imagination.
He: ill claim you
I: you can’t claim me, you are not real.
He: If you created me, why can’t in your conscious I claim you as mine
I fell in silence.

merry go round...(edited) =p

i can ride a roller coster with 360 turn but i cant never ride a merry go round(its a ferris wheel..according to ms sweet drug addict) peacefully. Its weird heh? The first merry go round(again its ferris wheel) i ride is eye on malaysia. No i dont go to funfair. He ask me why i never went to that place. I simply said, it is not safe and there is no special protection from falling. All the materials looks like its going to be broken into two. He just laugh. He says its weird and i say its normal. 7 of us went up to the sky that night. But the only scream you can hear is only my voice. the laughter is mostly from him and the rest. for the first cycle, I managed to grab everything including him and the door. i clutch it so hard that i feel my hand numb. second cycle, they move around and i stay still. They even make the gondola sway and all i could do is just sit still and pray. third cycle, He laugh at me, i hit him at the back. serve him right. the fourth cycle i easily breathe because i almost get used to it. but by that time, there is no more going around. its too late to enjoy the scenery. its too late to breathe the air of success. we got out and took picture. he likes mine and i like his. after that night we never talk. it was a one night stand. we never knew each other before and we will never know each other after. only for the night we talk and we hang out. its going to be the fourth cycle all over again. too late to enjoy everything. to late to get to know him. Do you think there will be a merry go round again?

-he is just a friend. a one night friendship.-

a glass of coke

its a sinned glass of coke. its tempting but yet the devil inside will churn u out of sacred place. the sweetness taste will make you forget the reality. it will bring you to the world of virtuality. sooo should i chuck it in or chuck it out?

black and white drama

I was in my car when I saw a couple heading towards my car. I was fascinated looking at them. A loving couple they are. They are old, I guess they are about in early 70s. They are holding onto each other while walking slowly toward their car. At first I thought the husband is more frail than the wife because the way they walked, husband using cane and wife clutching her hub's hand very protectively. It is indeed a slow motion video for me. when they reached the passenger side of their car, they stood there for like 30 seconds and then the husband unlock the door. my first instinct saying that he will be at the passenger seat and she will be the driver. it turns out, wife is more fragile than the husband. I feel like crying when I saw them. where is their children right now? why did he had to drive with that condition. then I remembered my parent. they are almost like them. only that their health is better. Since I start working, mom was dad's second pair of eye, second pair of ear and sixth sense. They go everywhere together. Dad knows his limits that’s why he would always bringing my mom everywhere. My mom would shift her schedule for the day just to accompany my dad. even though they hardly express their love by words, I know by those little sacrifices and small gesture would always show that they are in love. I have been wondering how my time going to be. As for now, I am quite comfortable with my relationship which is none existence. But I won’t be like this forever. A single glitch of loneliness has crept into my hard sealed heart. soon it’s going to be a virus which only can be cured by a touch of man's love.

spLaT!!!

im stuck.. trying to write something but nothing came out. got tagged by sarah, i almost finish doing it.. too lazy to blog it. to you, im ok rite now. i am....i really am...totally am. happy. with life but not love tho. i think i have become more n more unfocused each day. I cant do my work properly. I seem to forgot how to do a simple report. sigh. whats wrong with me? i need game... new game...

-brainless maniac-

a good sunday

Last night around 12 sumthing i got an sms from Ms. Im-gonna-get-married-end-of-week to invite me to spend my day with her, saloon and shopping. Being a ms.im-not-gonna-freak-out bestfriend, i immediately say Yes!!!! i invited sab along too. soo this morning i woke up a lot early than i should and start missing someone(when i have the courage, ill let u know..-imstillsingle-). I steer my car towards curve to meet both of them. By the time i reach there, Ms Im-gonna-get-married-end-of-week was there waiting. not too long though. so we went to hair kunzt. I propose to you to go there. they have the nicest PR and the best part of all they are attentive to muslim lady. they had set a place behind the curtain just for us. plus no extra charges!!!! i love it. the price is affordable enough for me. we sat there for hours to pamper ourself with treatment and haircut(both cost me RM150). Please do look for jojo, she/he is a senior stylist with sense of caring and very2 professional. my muscle in mouth area started to strech into a smile. yes i found my true sr.stylist love. luck doesnt stop there. I went for a smell of new parfum and the men there started to flirt with me. awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, usually i dont get this kind of attention. I usually leave it to my girlfrens. that alone makes my day. we moved on to tonight. I ordered pizza since im alone and everyone is mia and the pizzaman said that it will take 40 mins for them to deliver the food. Thinking that im not that hungry i hurrily said sure. after 20 mins waiting i started to feel hungry. keep on counting the clock and hoping that he will be late.hi hi. Im sure going to enjoy free pizza. He indeed come a bit late. He apologize sweetly(hes sweet oso) and i started to ask for a coupon. sadly he said they are out of coupon but he offered me chicken wings. its better than pizza.... yikes another luck strike me... basically i like today cause its been soo/too long ive been hit by luck 3 times a row. Alhamdulillah........

-im starting to believe in 'the secret'-
have a good day~

almost 4 months later.....

sorry for the long silence... seems like it has been a habit for me to disappear in blogger world. the reason i'm not updating is simply because i dont want to talk about my couz. she has been in my mind since her 100th days leaving us. I have a lots of stories to tell you but somehow its stuck cz shes blocking it. dont blame her, i just miss her...a lot. i wish i could let her go.........
tomorrow, there will be a tahlil for her. Im scared to go to family gathering because i know i will break down, plus things wont be the same.... am i mad for wishing that i will have to go work tomorrow so that i can run away from all these? or am i just a coward to face the present? i cant talk about it to others cz i know i will cry, infact im crying rite now. this is the only way i could transfer my feeling... i am not as transparent as i wish to be.. *sigh*

-how can i accept the present?-

missing you,
ur cousin..........................................