dark entry

hmm...
.hati sakit but i still care.
.mata ngantuk but i stay awake.
.kerja byk tp i put on hold.
.badan penat tp i still drv.
.duit xde but still i smile.
.after everything i have done, still no one notice.
.this shows how pathetic my life is.

a ride on the bus

soo i have decided to take on challenge on riding a bus since yesterday. at first i thought it would not be a hard work at all, but seriously it is a bit of extra workout for me. yesterday my dad was kind enough to send me to the station but not today. anyway i woke up late this morning, so go figure. i need to run to bathe, ironing and lastly running towards lrt station. it was a very up n go morning. the evenings are still the same. catching up bus really makes me sweat. note to self: finish work faster and then u can walk....yeah walking not running.
i love riding on the bus, no actually i love when im not driving and no one cares that im not listening to them or even say anything. i like to watch objects moving, or people in the car or even some people walking by. i was awed by them. i can stare at them for the longest hours just to analyze their behaviour. and additional bonus for good looking ones. owh sue me please!!!
this evening, i laid my eyes on this one man sitting facing me. good looking you ask? obviously. =p~ he had earphones stick in his ears with ever famous polo tshirton him sitting next to a chinese guy whom was sleeping like a baby perhaps even snored. for the first 20 minutes he just sat there with eyes closed trying not bother surroundings. i can say he is not sleeping because of the comparison between a sleeper(man sits next to him) and i-dont-have-anything-else-to-do-so-i-just-close-my-eyes man. then when his stop finally close, he suddenly cheers up.. banging his head according to the melody of the song, mouthing every words from the lyrics and tilting back and forth impatiently. mind you, we were stuck in the traffic jam. when he step off the bus, i was sad actually. he keeps me entertained for almost 40 mins of the ride. but i know he knows that i was setting my eyes on him. he even looked back in the bus where i sat at that time i was shifting from one place to another. now i wish to see him tomorrow. wish me luck heh. maybe i could sit next to him. -yeah yeah saya gatal-

when you tot your details are kept in private..

a conversation with ISP representative:

s-guy: Hi thank you for calling, how may i help you.
me: Im having some problem in connecting to your internet service. bla bla blaa....(with angry tone)
s-guy: May i know your account name?
me: tiitt tooet nooet neettt
after various verifications for what not...
me: i have paid the bill last month, how come it was stated that i still have pending amount?(more angrier tone)
s-guy: let me check for you.
after hearing a boring song/advert..
s-guy: it seems that you paid to the other account, after this you should make payment to other account.
me: how come there is no notifications on account changing?
s-guy: well this is the notification im giving you, please pay the next month to the other account. Now may i know you contact no?
me: wth with this the notification im giving you. crap (only happens in mind).. my phone number is 123344553.(the angriest tone i can make)
s-guy: we will activate your account in few hours time or maybe tomorrow/
me:what??? tmorrow? gila ka... im paying for this tau, its your mistakes and im the one who had to bear with no internet around. crazy ISP..(ermm again, only happen in mind)

the story does not end here. 9:55 pm i received a sms
"Dah bleh guna tenet?sy dari TM"
i replied: "Ok dah.thanx"
he replied back: "No prob. U ok ke kalu i nk kenal?"

ahahahahaha wtf?????? yeah its my mistakes to replied back.. but how dare he to sms me to berkenalan.... but funny thing is, he got lot of nerve to jeopardise his job just to find someone.. maybe hes a serial killer or rapist or even sexist or sodomist or any other -ist... but whatever it is im scared cz he already got details of me.. gila gila gila....

note to all: dont be a stupid ass like me..

a nice shot.

i was playing around with my tukun camera. this is the result. i didnt change anything except for the size.somehow this pix made a peace out of me. *wink wink*

fusion

I attend a wedding just now. The ambience is good and sweet. We as in dad and I were escorted to our seat by The grandfather of the bride. By looking at him, i remember my late granddad. How i wish he will be there to celebrate my not-near-soon day. As we enjoying the moment of the reception, we were served Tapai with ice-cream. a fusion, yes with malay traditional delicacy and western desert. Since i like fusion very much like chicken chop rice or spaggethi a'la thai, i tried the desert with hope that i would like it very much. It turns out, the taste is totally conflict with each other. The acidic taste from tapai mix together with sweetness of vanilla icecream, makes my tummy rumble to speed up the process of churning. There are times that we thought its the best combination but to some others its just totally wrong, totally disaster. super chaos. As for now, i spooned all the ice-cream and leave tapai alone in the cup while trying to straighthen my shocked-choked face.

Details in the fabric

-funny thing-

im currently at the office. keep on fidgeting waiting for next friday. I saw cars passing by and i keep on wondering, when will this stop. My brother ask a stupid question " how can we stop a waterfall?" after numerous tries, he answered "just take the pictures and itll stopped." wahahahaahahaha funny yet stupid. We like to exchange stupid question. like mine " When did G comes early than B?" the answer: When the lift is going down. He usually replied with illogical explanation. "Lift at my office doesnt have B, it only comes with LG1 and LG2." The only ties between both of us is a few similar strand of DNA. but i know he would stand up for me as i would for him. So hes getting married, which means the burden of being single will falls on me. The BIG questions will popped out from families mouth. shoot i hate this. Maybe i should leave the question with a scowl. Maybe by then people will stop asking. but i will possibly make a bad impression. should i?

-happy thing-

i have decided to buy the phone with hopefully no regret as i would with every single thing that ive bought.

-silent-

I think i should step away from a friendship for a while. then later i could pick up things where i left.

-vacation-

Hope my uncle didnt notice that im mia for the first 2 days of the vacation. or maybe he didnt know that ill be driving my dad to see him. with that reason i can rest my case. else, i need to find a valid reason.

virtual guy...

Sixty five feet below.
Why sixty five, he asked. I simply replied it just came out. Later he asked again, how far is sixty five feet below. I said it deep enough to buried past. He says my act is silly but I say its brave. Small talk with virtual him.
* * * * * * * * * * * *

Sixty five feet above.
He ask, are you comfortable being up there?
I replied “of course I am. I choose this place remember.”
His question “why soo high?”
My answer “ because I can see the whole world..”
His question “why the world?”
My answer ”because it’s all I have now”
He said “ you have me”
My final say “I don’t have you, I created you because I was lonely”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
He appear again from this cataleptic thought.
He: how have you been doing?
I: no one came to claim me
He: why?
I: simply because no one is after me. I am not the beautiful princess like in kids imagination.
He: ill claim you
I: you can’t claim me, you are not real.
He: If you created me, why can’t in your conscious I claim you as mine
I fell in silence.

merry go round...(edited) =p

i can ride a roller coster with 360 turn but i cant never ride a merry go round(its a ferris wheel..according to ms sweet drug addict) peacefully. Its weird heh? The first merry go round(again its ferris wheel) i ride is eye on malaysia. No i dont go to funfair. He ask me why i never went to that place. I simply said, it is not safe and there is no special protection from falling. All the materials looks like its going to be broken into two. He just laugh. He says its weird and i say its normal. 7 of us went up to the sky that night. But the only scream you can hear is only my voice. the laughter is mostly from him and the rest. for the first cycle, I managed to grab everything including him and the door. i clutch it so hard that i feel my hand numb. second cycle, they move around and i stay still. They even make the gondola sway and all i could do is just sit still and pray. third cycle, He laugh at me, i hit him at the back. serve him right. the fourth cycle i easily breathe because i almost get used to it. but by that time, there is no more going around. its too late to enjoy the scenery. its too late to breathe the air of success. we got out and took picture. he likes mine and i like his. after that night we never talk. it was a one night stand. we never knew each other before and we will never know each other after. only for the night we talk and we hang out. its going to be the fourth cycle all over again. too late to enjoy everything. to late to get to know him. Do you think there will be a merry go round again?

-he is just a friend. a one night friendship.-

a glass of coke

its a sinned glass of coke. its tempting but yet the devil inside will churn u out of sacred place. the sweetness taste will make you forget the reality. it will bring you to the world of virtuality. sooo should i chuck it in or chuck it out?

black and white drama

I was in my car when I saw a couple heading towards my car. I was fascinated looking at them. A loving couple they are. They are old, I guess they are about in early 70s. They are holding onto each other while walking slowly toward their car. At first I thought the husband is more frail than the wife because the way they walked, husband using cane and wife clutching her hub's hand very protectively. It is indeed a slow motion video for me. when they reached the passenger side of their car, they stood there for like 30 seconds and then the husband unlock the door. my first instinct saying that he will be at the passenger seat and she will be the driver. it turns out, wife is more fragile than the husband. I feel like crying when I saw them. where is their children right now? why did he had to drive with that condition. then I remembered my parent. they are almost like them. only that their health is better. Since I start working, mom was dad's second pair of eye, second pair of ear and sixth sense. They go everywhere together. Dad knows his limits that’s why he would always bringing my mom everywhere. My mom would shift her schedule for the day just to accompany my dad. even though they hardly express their love by words, I know by those little sacrifices and small gesture would always show that they are in love. I have been wondering how my time going to be. As for now, I am quite comfortable with my relationship which is none existence. But I won’t be like this forever. A single glitch of loneliness has crept into my hard sealed heart. soon it’s going to be a virus which only can be cured by a touch of man's love.