A new year.. .. ..

i always vent on things i cant say here but when i was judged and blamed on things i wrote i got scared. People have ways to make themselves feel better when the mood is down to the low. As for me, i like to write. Even if i use wrong tense, wrong vocab or wrong grammar, i still like to write. I wrote what i feel at that moment. At that time i will feel inspired to make a word turn into a poem. a phrase into a story. I can't sing, I can't sketch, I dont have the equipment nor a group to take photos and mostly I can't play any instrument. I enjoy every little art, every singer with strong voice, band playing all sorts of instruments and talented photographers but yeah enjoying it is all i can do. I cant do all that except when i write. Back to the first phrase i wrote in this entry, I feel i was punished with words others threw just because I express what i am feeling. Where lies my freedom of speech?heck, if i even know the law of freedom of speech. I dont mind if you really wants to advise me but i appreciate if it were done privately. Because of the last incident, i got scared to write. In fact, my river of thoughts got blocked by this. I cant handle my emotions as perfect as the way you handle it but im trying. really hard until it makes my heart ache. Yesterday is the beginning of a new year. a new year. what a new year mean when i cant even feel what im supposed to feel right now. Im numb. no my heart is numb. I start carelessly ignoring people. I am not blaming you nor the words you said. Im simply stating that when i stop writing, i changed. I changed to be a meaner person, i change to be ignorant and i change to be a person without no feeling. I hate that. Since yesterday is a new year, i make a new resolution. No i wont tell you my new resolution but i hope and i wish that i could stick to it. One thing i can tell you, i will start writing. I will start writhing. I will start venting(if there is such a word). I will start a new resolution. Wish me luck. Stay if you want to know me, leave if you hate me.

i cant see any sparks...

so lets move on, shall i? ..........................................................................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................... the truth is i think i can't. :(

my bet with uncle.

He remembers and I forgot. Now i need to shed some of it to get few bucks he promised. The question now is: will i get to lose it before next week?? I doubt so.

No more entertainment, no more pleasure. All i have now is time.

I'm pretty sure on the unsure. howlah now?

My aunt told me something big going to happen next year. I think im freaking out a bit. owh yea i am.

-Counting up till SIX..-

dan aku terjatuh hati pada jejaka melayu terakhir..

I have this itch or passion on a Lelaki tegap berbaju melayu, sampin yg diikat kejap.. kemas, songkok mengalas kepala tanpa jambul terkeluar. Aduhh kacaknya... Ayahku, abangku, adikku, Arwah Tok Bak ku, muffin man ku(haa yea nie berangan), sepupuku, tetapi tidak si brown cow itu.. Semuanya segak memakai baju melayu. But, when i saw "Natrah", the guy which most ladies got crazy on, is not portraying like the real Lelaki Melayu. Tidak langsung seperti dalam keratan akhbar, zaman dulu-dulu, ketika Dia menjadi suami Natrah. aku pasrah aje.. Sean Ghazi pakai baju melayu lagi chomel okeh.. :p

p/s: entry ini berbentuk ketidakpuasan hatian kepada pelakon lelaki utama untuk teater Natrah. Akan tetapi, teater itu adalah yg terbaik dlm yg terbaik yg pernah ku tonton tahun ini. Semoga Natrah diselamatkan diakhirat nanti. :)

So she is getting engaged!!!!

I think this week has been a rollercoaster ride for me. But everything is good. :D. So yesterday i went to see two of the most wonderful friends in my life. Owh ye, i skipped work just for the sake of sending yummylicious cake to Mrs. Mummy. After eating cakes and gossiping, i went to kl to find a pario for next week wedding. Will kiss and tell about the wedding next weeklah. While i was on my way to klcc, i decided to meet Sarah.. My partner in crime. My internship twin. My angel. :P. I texted her "Babe. Im in klcc. wanna meet up even for 5 mins". and ofcourse she said yes. She invited me to see her office but due to gile serious makgard, I didnt get a chance to even smell burton's aura. So she came down with ravishing smile plastered on her face. we kissed and hugged well yea thats what girls do when they meet up. Then i asked her "when is you engagement?". "this saturday" she said, then she continue asking " Are you coming to my engagement?" I was flabbergasted! When she announce it in her blog, i thought that its going to be a small party so thats why she didnt invite me. you know what i said to her "i wasnt invitedlah" she was shocked too.

"You didnt get my invitation????"

"No!!! when did you send it?"

"dah lama dahh..."

after long discussion we decided to blame on electronic mail server of both companies. ooops..:P. Kelakarlah. she was waiting for my reply while i was waiting for her invitation... I love my instinct. Alhamdulillah, without HIM i wouldnt have the instinct to see her let alone knowing about the invitation. but babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im sooo happy for you and your lovely soon-to-be fiance. Ofcourse ill try to squeeze in some time for you. Love you babe! well i have blocked end of next year for you! just pray and hope that it didnt clash with anything.hiks!

my brown cow found a new love....

i feel like wanting to laugh at people's reaction when he announced it. They were surprised yet still trying to pretend that they werent. hah! I feel good..really good. when he announced it, i felt like wanting to scream(in joy!) on top of my lung ("owh yes!"). Now they know that he is my best friend. They always assume but they never ask. so this happen. assumption without investigation leads to false alarm. haih people!. next time please throw in questions.

brown cow: im truly happy with your decision. Insyaallah, ill back u up again n again..

stumbled upon mine.. how i wish you were mine.

read this entry...
I never thought that i did captured the first-ever crush(for that yearlah) memories in this blog. Its been one and half year(till date) but i still have some(a lot actually) feeling towards him. And yes, he has no absolute knowledge about it. Mr. Muffin man i called him.

read this entry..
so how will i know? mmg berangan. Takkan tahu kalau tak bertanya. Nak move on untuk cari crush baru terbantut. Hati masih terpikat lagi masa ini.

read this entry..
hah tak terkata. Girang sekali bila itu berlaku. Sengih memanjang. Tapi senyuman tak lama. :(

Latest Entry.
Sekarang hati masih terpikat. Dia mungkin tersalah anggap. Dan aku tidak cuba membetulkan. Bila bertemu, tiada kata kata diluahkan. mahupun apa khabar. Yang saling berbalas hanyalah sekadar ucapan selamat tinggal. Bye.

Packing up one year plus memories. It seems like theres not enough box of mind to keep all that.

One year and eight months. and everything will ends on 25th September 2009. They will leave by 19th. Today is 9th September 2009. 10 more days till they depart. 10 more day for us to huddled together. I know there will a change. Never thought it would be this soon.
"you know what, im feeling terribly bad. The thought of going back is killing me" he texted. I know dear. The thought of not seeing you every weekdays makes my heart crushed. 8 months. 8 months of knowing you. 8 months of food chatting, 8 months of exchanging meaningful glances. 8 months of teasing each other. haih.
Change is the only thing that is constant. She posted it on fb. 1 year and 8 months. thats how long we've known each other. the moment we heard the news, you cried. i was too shocked to digest the news.

Im exhaling the air of emptyness.

Im into time devices.

hmmm.. I never bought a watch on my own. I mean a watch more than RM50. All this while, the only watch that stick with me is this one particular gold colour watch given by my dad. Yes i treasure it, i wore it for 10 years. I wore it on the day i took SPM, i wore it on the day i gradute, and i wore it during special occasion. Sadly, it fell and the body got chipped. thus i had to celloytape it to keep it together. Before i got that watch, my mom gave a sophisticated black leathered watch. I wore it for i think more than 5 years. Then i lost it somewhere. haih. So now i decided to break one of my own rules. The rules : never buy expansive watch. I can be careless with the stuff i own. especially the ones i bought using my own money. So when my mom and dad gave me those watches, it didnt come with just the watch. i took the responsibility of taking care of it. Yes, always i misplaced it but I always found it back(ok not always). So i thought, i shouldnt buy any watch cause i know i wont be that delicate with it. I should wait for it be a present from someone. Tapi.... sekarang, tangan rasa kosong. :P. ok anyway i want to show you my choice of watches. Let see which one will I truly fall in love with.

DKNY. I just love the details.

Fossil Black. Funky and soo Me and its black.

Fossil White. Adore the details and its a leather strap.

Pink Fossil. Pink and sweet. awwwwww.

White Love Fossil. Its pure and unorthodox. Something i would wear occasionally.

Another White Fossil. Details details details and its white!

Sporty White Fossil. enough said.

Pink Swatch. Really love it but its plastic. :(

Soooo... which one will i buy??? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.......