A new year.. .. ..

i always vent on things i cant say here but when i was judged and blamed on things i wrote i got scared. People have ways to make themselves feel better when the mood is down to the low. As for me, i like to write. Even if i use wrong tense, wrong vocab or wrong grammar, i still like to write. I wrote what i feel at that moment. At that time i will feel inspired to make a word turn into a poem. a phrase into a story. I can't sing, I can't sketch, I dont have the equipment nor a group to take photos and mostly I can't play any instrument. I enjoy every little art, every singer with strong voice, band playing all sorts of instruments and talented photographers but yeah enjoying it is all i can do. I cant do all that except when i write. Back to the first phrase i wrote in this entry, I feel i was punished with words others threw just because I express what i am feeling. Where lies my freedom of speech?heck, if i even know the law of freedom of speech. I dont mind if you really wants to advise me but i appreciate if it were done privately. Because of the last incident, i got scared to write. In fact, my river of thoughts got blocked by this. I cant handle my emotions as perfect as the way you handle it but im trying. really hard until it makes my heart ache. Yesterday is the beginning of a new year. a new year. what a new year mean when i cant even feel what im supposed to feel right now. Im numb. no my heart is numb. I start carelessly ignoring people. I am not blaming you nor the words you said. Im simply stating that when i stop writing, i changed. I changed to be a meaner person, i change to be ignorant and i change to be a person without no feeling. I hate that. Since yesterday is a new year, i make a new resolution. No i wont tell you my new resolution but i hope and i wish that i could stick to it. One thing i can tell you, i will start writing. I will start writhing. I will start venting(if there is such a word). I will start a new resolution. Wish me luck. Stay if you want to know me, leave if you hate me.