When I love you dearly..

I miss her a lot.Every day i woke up with her in my mind. She will also be the last person I see before I close my eyes. I didn't know that she will affect this much to me. Our last conversation strikes back. How I wish I'd hug her tightly regardless of my flu. How I wish I'd kiss her cheek like usual. How I wish I'd just stay for a while and talk to her.I know I can't relive the moment. I love you dear. I remember the last visit, your baby suddenly hold her hands out requesting me to pick her up. I was stunt, but I regretedly turn down her request by hiding myself behind your back. The second time she request, I couldn't hold myself any longer so I hold her. She took the longest look at me and then she returned back to you. I did ask, what is so special about her that I came down to visit her when she got her jab. I wish I could reply, "because both of you are important to me". I wish I could tell you that sayang. It hurts me more when her baby came to me and only me when we last visited her. Only after a while she started to be close with 2 of my friends. Honey, I enjoyed playing with her. She is soo adorable. I didn't realize she was trying hard to cross the railing under the table just to get to me. After I had decided to come to the other side and fetch her, she quickly got out from under the table and pull herself up just so I can grab her and hold her by my side. How can I not love her. Your mom noticed that sayang. I just hope that she will remember me until we meet again. Honey dear, I love you much. I love your baby endlessly. In fact I love all our babies endlessly. I hope she will grow up to be just the way you wanted her to be. I wish your husband have the strongest will to take care of her. I hope your mother live peacefully accepting that she had raised such a fine woman. I hope I am brave enough to delete your number. I whatsapp "rindu sangat" to your whatsapp. He read it. I'm sorry sayang, I thought he already deleted your whatsapp. Ya Allah, please give us who misses her the strongest faith to pull ourself together and not to mourn of our loss. Ya Allah, please give mercy to her mother, her husband, her only daughter and her family. Ya Allah, please give mercy to her soul, please forgive her sins and our's. Regardless of what, you will always be someone I look up to. You will forever have my love dear. Aku sayang kau sangat sangat.

after a year....

he was sick last week..

and he gets better few days after..

now his temperature strikes up again..

In my mind, always scared..

scared that he will succumb..

when i found out that he fainted this morning,

the tears falls unexpectedly.

i make excuses and i ran..

i cried in the toilet cause i don't want to cry in front of him.

but i'm crying in front of the computer right now.

he is trying to sleep in front of me..

coughing and breathing hard..

it hurts my heart..

I just realize that he didn't eat much lately.

I always looking for signs..

so that i will be prepared..

but somehow, even if i found it,

i don't think ill ever be prepared.

as much as i know

that we wont live forever

i still wish that he will

or atleast until..

until i can let him go.

its not fair,

yes i know.

and its against Allah's rules.

and i know it.

Give me strength Ya Allah...

and persenang dan permudahkanlah segalanya untuk ayahku Ya Allah..

Little faith

I was at peace.
Walking by the beach.
Listening to the tunes.
Admiring god's creation.
The small waves tickling my feet.
The big gush of salty air wiped off the fear.
I was at peace.
Without any hints of problems.
And then I came back.
She surfaced.
He is been bugging.
More others following.
I cant tolerate with this.
Insanity hits rock bottom.
If you ask me to be ok with it.
Then you're just like everyone.
But you are like everyone.
Seeing my smile instead of my sadness.
Faking it always my advantage.
So be it.
I'm hanging with the thinnest thread.
One little flick and I will fall.
Without no wings to fly.

Melted like an ice cream under scorching sun...

Owh so great... I watched a walk to remember and it makes me mellow... Oh no, there goes my melting heart...

Should i?

Sometimes its hard to know whether you're telling the truth or just want to play around..
You used to say, read in between your lines.
But if i were to analyze every words coming from you, then i think i'll get a wrong sign..
Should i giving in or giving up?

The dream that wake me up at 5..

My mind keep on playing the same tune.. The same memories.. It was dark, after 5... All i can see is the black sky, yellow neon light shining the road and a round-a-bout in the middle of the street.. The smell of the salty air rushed into my nose.. And all i can i hear is the rush of waves crushing the edge of white sands territory.. I want to feel the same, hear the same, smell the same... I want to go there again.. One day, I want to live by the sea with my love.. Please Allah, please grant my wish...

Ache

Stuck!

I saw you in every korean singer i have crush on...
Urggghhh......
Whether it about your lips..
Or just simply your act..
Or your sweetness..
Or even your hair..
I keep on shoving my feelings deep down..
Yet it surfaced and i felt loved..
Why o why?
Pening dengan keadaan ini...

Penat

Penat...
Penat mencuba untuk melupakannya..
Dia hadir tanpa rasa bersalah..
Perasaan kembali menggunung..
Hati semakin terguris...
Bila aku mula bertatih,
Dia undurkan diri.
Bila aku berlari berlainan arah,
Dia muncul mematikan langkah,
Apa khususnya dia untukku?
Adakah hanya sekadar berkawan?
Atau sekadar mengisi lohong hatiku buat sementara waktu?
Aku penat.
Tak mampu bermain lagi..
Aku terjatuh,
Tak mampu untuk berdiri kembali..
Terbaringlah aku menggapai langit dengan angan anganku..
Sambil bertemankan bumi yg bersendirian..

Will it be enough?

I really want that job... I do!
I promised that i will fast for 7 days if i got it..
Will it be enough?
But am I capable enough to handle it?
Am I knowledgeable enough to bring it to the table?
Am I am I am I????

Konflik....

Tak waras.
Siapa?
Aku...
Kenapa?
Tertegur...
Jadi?
Tersenyum..
Tapi?
Sendirian..
Siapalah aku dimata dia............

*sigh*

I think i'm going to stop falling....

In love.....

Without title...

Keep on telling myself, don't fall in love soo easily....
Keep on telling myself, there will be someone waiting to love me...
Keep on telling myself, i'm ok without him...

Lying to self is not good but atleast it makes me happy for a while.....

Because I'm Stupid...

They found a perfect song to describe me.

And the funny part is, it is absolutely true....

Kamsahamida... I should stand on the reality ground and surpasses the realm of dreams and happy ending..

Yeogi oji mal-ayo...

=)

Good morning sunshine....

sometimes, falling down after soo many times didnt hurt that much...

I'm losing it all over again..

Believing in illusions make the heart ache..

Who else to blame than myself....

If you were waiting for a sign, then... This is it..

Source = http://lovequotesrus.tumblr.com/page

# 2 : Can I...

Can I have Bruno or Anuar Zain sing at my wedding?

# 1 : I want...

I want to watch a hot air balloons show..

Eh!

I hate it when you brought up her name.
Every single time..
Fine!
Whatever!
*sulking*