after a year....

he was sick last week..

and he gets better few days after..

now his temperature strikes up again..

In my mind, always scared..

scared that he will succumb..

when i found out that he fainted this morning,

the tears falls unexpectedly.

i make excuses and i ran..

i cried in the toilet cause i don't want to cry in front of him.

but i'm crying in front of the computer right now.

he is trying to sleep in front of me..

coughing and breathing hard..

it hurts my heart..

I just realize that he didn't eat much lately.

I always looking for signs..

so that i will be prepared..

but somehow, even if i found it,

i don't think ill ever be prepared.

as much as i know

that we wont live forever

i still wish that he will

or atleast until..

until i can let him go.

its not fair,

yes i know.

and its against Allah's rules.

and i know it.

Give me strength Ya Allah...

and persenang dan permudahkanlah segalanya untuk ayahku Ya Allah..