a wish is NOT just a wish...

i want this:

i am the girl

who is this girl? long black hair with bloody tears without smile pasted on her face. That girl emotion is the same with mine. *sigh* tetiba saya stress x menentu. Alhamdulillah i have the hyppo to merempit together but today we merempit with caramel frappucino yg nyummies and ice lemon tea yang tidak sedap. I think i need a puff. I think i need a vacation. I think i need you. I think im fucked up.i think that i am a loser. its all happen when i did not get any project. Am i that bad cz im the last person to have a project? the boss did consoled me with words but i felt like the words is meaningless. Maybe its not my luck. Maybe cz i have been neglecting my chores to the higher power that HE forget about me. Maybe maybe... ntahlaaaa... sakit kepala memikirkn tentang perkara ini. im duped.
-thinking of crying-

MidLifeCrisis

i think i'm having mid life crisis.. har har har... what a cute diagnosis... well the truth is? i have been having second thoughts bout my super bored life. people always say at 20-ish, its the time for you to play around and find true love.. hah... sooo ok im19 and ive just started my life.. true love, none, play around, half check, job check check, travelling no check, car half check.. soooo i need some entertainment. thats why i think i have reached to my midlife crisis.. *boredface*
secondly, i think my passion for real time shopping in realistic world is gone.. kapush, kapish... prolly because of people in Malaysia is soo thin that they forgot to sell big big clothes with small small price.. yeah maybe.. I think the last shopping i did in a brick shop is about a month ago before my graduation. hmmpphhh soo long ago. I need big brown bag and cheap m&s and cheap esprit. can i have it for my bday??? *wishing very hard with closed eyes*
thirdly, i think its my midlife crisis because of the ehem is around corner. yeahh my age will be the same which is 19 but.... when will i be a grown up girl? *thinking very hard with squeezed eyes*
fourthly, i think my i have Grey hair. the virtual grey hair.. eheheehe.. the one where i imagine it be and the reason i have it is becoz of too much of thinking.. everyday i would comb my hair at wee hour trying to overlook each strand of hair to find the tiniest stray of grey color.. soo far, soo black..*eyes rolled to the top of head..counting one black hair, two black hair, three black hair.... *
fifthly, i am easily tired. well go figure, after very high fever and plus cuti cuti puasa, i have no strength to puasa. maybe cz mls nk puasa... hi hi.. *smiling sheepishly*
sixthly, im BORED... totally insane.. totally a freak...
seventhly, no good movies... that one is sooo true...*rolled eyes with L on forehead*
eightly, no close friend around.everyone is busy. hyppos, froggie, beaver, cipan, bobby, gajah and thenadz,nida,schebby,farah,kay are all far away. ok maybe some of them are near but right now i feel like they far far away in faraway planet. farther than pluto. *missingthemsoo much face*
ninthly, i have no money. No money and no money.
tenthly, ok no number 10 cz i like number 10. number 10 is only for bestest coolest, thing ever.

-im done-

saya rindu kamu!!!!!!!!!

hari ini, genaplah 1 minggu cik katak berada di Kerteh nun jauh sangat kt terengganu.. haihh.. arituh hari rabu saya demam.. saya dedikasikan demam itu untuk cik katak. 3 hari dapat mc. 3 hari badan panas, 3 hari x puasa. doktor x bg puasa.. shuuussshhh jgn kasi tau org yeh. hari jumaat cik hyppo ajak keluar mkn di williams.. Saya tolak atas sebab kesihatan dan juga kerinduan teramat ke atas cik katak.. setiap kali saya memandang makanan, saya nampak si katak, setiap kali saya ingin melakukan kerja gila saya ingat cik katak. Email pn baru satu cik katak balas. Nk telepon cik katak, betri tepon saya dah abes. tunggu aje laaa esok hari... cik hyppo baru je ckp td yg cik katak rindu saya.. saya pn rindu awak jugak... cik katak cepatlaaa pulang....

je ne vais pas à Singapour

my singapore trip is either put on hold or put on stop. hmmpphh soo much of last last post. Now im getting irritated. ive been looking forward and also set my mind bout moving to spore. guess this is one of the hiccups i need to face. As for now, i am projectless, boringness, sadness n angryness. angryness is referred to last post, sadness is for singapore trip, boringness for workhour in the office n projectless is for my future.. hwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i need some entertainment in the office n in life.. hopefully itll be postpone till tmorrow.. ehehhee.. yeah soo in my dreams laaa kn.. now evione plz updates ur blog. im dying of boredom here..

mon frère sucent

Mon ordinateur portable est atteint du virus. extrémité.

i.miss.my.brothers

i have 3 brothers but somehow for past 2 weeks i felt like i dont have one. yerlaaaa, on my convo day none of them were there.. Abang was busy with work and this week hes worried sick about her daughter.. 2 weeks dah i didnt get a chance to meet him. Boemar was busy with studies and plants... its already 12.01 and hes not home.... younger brother?? having him from 8pm to 12 am doesnt make my day. yerlaaa asyik gadoh jer... huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....
i really miss to have a chat with them, to poke my younger bro's tummy, pijak boemar's feet, getting a kiss from Abang... the bros always bully me.. i miss that...

*spoiled little brat sister*

p/s: help me pray for my little niece health.. she got some infection or virus in her body... they have taken her blood sample to be examined... sigh..

another whining...

the awkward feeling came to haunt me again. i hate to be succumbed by feeling of going to lose precious jewel in my life.for hundredth times i keep on remind myself that i will lose him someday. owh how i wish i will never lose him. silly. today was his medical checkup. I was suppose to be there with him, waiting for his number to be called. I was suppose to be there and meet the doctor. I was suppose to be there when he has his lunch. Being in the office with nothing to do really kill my patience. I should have call in sick and be with him. but i dont have the guts to do it. at this time, all i should do is pleased him but how can i be such a bad girl? i went out late at nite without telling him, making him worry sick about me all the time, never listen to his advice. why did i do all these? why must i disobey him? why n why?he was sick for past few days but i wasnt there to run errands for him. what the hell is wrong with me? i really wish i could be the most angelic daughter to him, but i failed...badly. Me: Ayah, hows the checkup?Ayah: it was ok. everything is fine.Me: How bout your cholestrol and stuff?Ayah: there is nothing to worry bout. sigh... why cant i just believe him? itll do me good for the rest of the day. right now, im sitting and wanted to cry but i was surrounded by people. another sigh for me.

we promise...

As i walk to Chancellor Hall, all the fond memories flashed before my eyes. I remember the first day i stepped on utp's land.. At that time, i cant believe that I was actually growing up.. as years gone by, I met a lovely friend. He was pretty kind to me and pretty talkative.. he is a funny man.. moments after i learn his name, i knew that he and i will be friends all our life.. our friendship become closer and closer when we do part time together.. After that wonderful time, the friendship drift apart but somehow, we managed to keep in touch even tho it was for once a month, eventho it was just a message.. I remember when i ask him about his convo.. he said " oh mine will be next year".. I said" o really?? mine too.. lets hangout together and enjoy our grad day together heh?.." He said "sure..ive gotta go, i have classes after this..bye". I think that was the last sincere chat of us.. After that we go for our own path.. I always remember him but somehow i couldnt pick up the phone n msg him.. time did pass by in a blink of an eye.. one day i received a call.. a phone call that can never bring him to life.. a phone call that make my whole life turned upside down.. he is gone.. forever.. i cried and more tears came down after i remember my behavior toward him.. i should have asked him about his health.. i should have msg him and most of all i should have known that he was sick for such a long time... I salute him for hiding his pain and only show his smile.. but i am mad at him cz he only tell one person and made him promise that he will never ever tell anyone.. when i walked into the chancellor hall, i remember our promise, and inside im crying.. when i received the scroll, i wish you was there... i wish soo hard... *sigh*

soo long my dear nikki...

there is a cat from next door neighbour.. she is really a good cat.. she always in our compound, like she was guarding the house. i think she is.. one day, she tried to follow my bro in law to work.. chommel sangat.. the bro leave his car door open and then he went inside. when he came out, he saw nikki already on passenger seat waiting patiently for the bro.. my bro pun, 'hey nikki turun'.. she pn turun.. she the cat listen to what we said.. not like some other.. rindu sangat dia.. i just heard that shes gone.. she is the only cat who listen to what i said and also the cat that i like the most.. note that i dont like cats... poor her, she died cz of batu karang.. sedeynyerrrr...
love you nikki....