another whining...

the awkward feeling came to haunt me again. i hate to be succumbed by feeling of going to lose precious jewel in my life.for hundredth times i keep on remind myself that i will lose him someday. owh how i wish i will never lose him. silly. today was his medical checkup. I was suppose to be there with him, waiting for his number to be called. I was suppose to be there and meet the doctor. I was suppose to be there when he has his lunch. Being in the office with nothing to do really kill my patience. I should have call in sick and be with him. but i dont have the guts to do it. at this time, all i should do is pleased him but how can i be such a bad girl? i went out late at nite without telling him, making him worry sick about me all the time, never listen to his advice. why did i do all these? why must i disobey him? why n why?he was sick for past few days but i wasnt there to run errands for him. what the hell is wrong with me? i really wish i could be the most angelic daughter to him, but i failed...badly. Me: Ayah, hows the checkup?Ayah: it was ok. everything is fine.Me: How bout your cholestrol and stuff?Ayah: there is nothing to worry bout. sigh... why cant i just believe him? itll do me good for the rest of the day. right now, im sitting and wanted to cry but i was surrounded by people. another sigh for me.