One Day

I'm counting the street lights
It's all I can do
While driving myself crazy trying to get to you
Feels wrong at the right time
To reveal my hand
It's like I'm doing the worst I can
To make you understand

Maybe one day you will know
How hard it is for me to show my heart
And all the love
Running through my soul
Maybe one day you will know

I'm hoping you just might
Take a moment to realize
That everything you're looking for
Is hidden in plain sight
I know you better than I know myself
How I feel is the only thing I could ever tell ya

Maybe one day you will know
How hard it is for me to show my heart
And all the love
Running through my sould
Maybe one day you will know

Maybe one day
Maybe baby one day you will know
Maybe one day you will know

Maybe one day you will know
How hard it is for me to show my heart
And all the love
Running through my sould
Maybe one day you will know
Maybe one day you will know
Maybe one day you will know
Maybe one day
Maybe one day you will know


-Click on the lyric-

Penatlah..

Kenapa ye.. mereka kata mereka pernah dianiayai tapi mereka tetap menganiayai orang lain.
Kenapa ye.. mereka mengutuk perangai orang tetapi diakhir hari mereka pun berlaku sedemikian.
Kenapa ye.. Orang berhempas pulas membantu tetapi tiada terima kasih diberikan.
Kenapa ye.. mereka amat susah untuk melupakan kesalahan orang, tapi bila kebaikan orang langsung tidak diingati.
Kenapa ye.. Bila seseorang berlaku salah, segala yg dibuat adalah salah.
Kenapa ye.. Orang kaya diagung agungkan tapi orang miskin dihina disepak.
Kenapa ye.. Seseorang itu sungguh buruk lakunya tapi masih dipandang baik perilakunya
Kenapa ye.. Setiap manusia ada perangai begini. Sama aja sipenulis ini.
Kenapa ye.. Kenapa ye.. Kenapa ye..

Kenapa ye..aku berpenat lelah menjaga hati tapi hatiku tak dijaga?
Kenapa ye..aku penat fikir tentang mereka tapi mereka melupakan aku?
Kenapa ye..walau aku sibuk tapi masih ada masa untuk mereka?
Kenapa ye..aku sanggup bergadai semuanya tapi mereka dengan senang bergembira tanpa aku?
Kenapa ye..bila dah susah baru cari aku?
Kenapa ye..aku masih baik hati walau telah dipijak sampai jiwa berdarah?
kenapa ye..kenapa ye..kenapa ye..?

of her wedding...

25th is the mark of a newly joined life. no its not mine. its my cousin. you see, i have only 3 girl cousins.. one is continuing her study in japan, one is down under and one will be getting married this week. the one getting married this week is the one i hardly see.. once a year is good enough. twice a year is to be considered lucky enough. As usual, when she reached gold land, she will command for my companion and eat out, shop till broke and sleeping in. This time its different. well yea everything is the same only that this will be the last time ill be sleeping with her.. after this 3 is a burden. too much cute things happen today. Uncle and Tok Auntie soo cute enough to ask me to skip work by bribing good home meal lunch(almost give in to this..yikes). Aunt nice enough to wake me up at 8 asking when im going to work. another cute moment. last night the cousin ask me some simple question, "alaaaa ja, xmo tdo sini ker"... oklah that can be considered cutelah. Tomorrow, will be the only day i have to be with her and her "single" title. But no fret i wont make a scene. Ill try my best to help her. I know he wont read my blog, but if u ever even make my cousin cry, you will pay for it... but if you make her smile everyday, you'll get a nice karma around you. So dear cousin, happy getting married. So dear cousin's fiancee, happy getting hitched... So dear me, happy happy happy day~
p/s: hope i wont cry on that day...
-dizzy snoozy me-

A new year.. .. ..

i always vent on things i cant say here but when i was judged and blamed on things i wrote i got scared. People have ways to make themselves feel better when the mood is down to the low. As for me, i like to write. Even if i use wrong tense, wrong vocab or wrong grammar, i still like to write. I wrote what i feel at that moment. At that time i will feel inspired to make a word turn into a poem. a phrase into a story. I can't sing, I can't sketch, I dont have the equipment nor a group to take photos and mostly I can't play any instrument. I enjoy every little art, every singer with strong voice, band playing all sorts of instruments and talented photographers but yeah enjoying it is all i can do. I cant do all that except when i write. Back to the first phrase i wrote in this entry, I feel i was punished with words others threw just because I express what i am feeling. Where lies my freedom of speech?heck, if i even know the law of freedom of speech. I dont mind if you really wants to advise me but i appreciate if it were done privately. Because of the last incident, i got scared to write. In fact, my river of thoughts got blocked by this. I cant handle my emotions as perfect as the way you handle it but im trying. really hard until it makes my heart ache. Yesterday is the beginning of a new year. a new year. what a new year mean when i cant even feel what im supposed to feel right now. Im numb. no my heart is numb. I start carelessly ignoring people. I am not blaming you nor the words you said. Im simply stating that when i stop writing, i changed. I changed to be a meaner person, i change to be ignorant and i change to be a person without no feeling. I hate that. Since yesterday is a new year, i make a new resolution. No i wont tell you my new resolution but i hope and i wish that i could stick to it. One thing i can tell you, i will start writing. I will start writhing. I will start venting(if there is such a word). I will start a new resolution. Wish me luck. Stay if you want to know me, leave if you hate me.

i cant see any sparks...

so lets move on, shall i? ..........................................................................................................................................
.......................................................................................................................... the truth is i think i can't. :(

my bet with uncle.

He remembers and I forgot. Now i need to shed some of it to get few bucks he promised. The question now is: will i get to lose it before next week?? I doubt so.

No more entertainment, no more pleasure. All i have now is time.

I'm pretty sure on the unsure. howlah now?

My aunt told me something big going to happen next year. I think im freaking out a bit. owh yea i am.

-Counting up till SIX..-

dan aku terjatuh hati pada jejaka melayu terakhir..

I have this itch or passion on a Lelaki tegap berbaju melayu, sampin yg diikat kejap.. kemas, songkok mengalas kepala tanpa jambul terkeluar. Aduhh kacaknya... Ayahku, abangku, adikku, Arwah Tok Bak ku, muffin man ku(haa yea nie berangan), sepupuku, tetapi tidak si brown cow itu.. Semuanya segak memakai baju melayu. But, when i saw "Natrah", the guy which most ladies got crazy on, is not portraying like the real Lelaki Melayu. Tidak langsung seperti dalam keratan akhbar, zaman dulu-dulu, ketika Dia menjadi suami Natrah. aku pasrah aje.. Sean Ghazi pakai baju melayu lagi chomel okeh.. :p

p/s: entry ini berbentuk ketidakpuasan hatian kepada pelakon lelaki utama untuk teater Natrah. Akan tetapi, teater itu adalah yg terbaik dlm yg terbaik yg pernah ku tonton tahun ini. Semoga Natrah diselamatkan diakhirat nanti. :)

So she is getting engaged!!!!

I think this week has been a rollercoaster ride for me. But everything is good. :D. So yesterday i went to see two of the most wonderful friends in my life. Owh ye, i skipped work just for the sake of sending yummylicious cake to Mrs. Mummy. After eating cakes and gossiping, i went to kl to find a pario for next week wedding. Will kiss and tell about the wedding next weeklah. While i was on my way to klcc, i decided to meet Sarah.. My partner in crime. My internship twin. My angel. :P. I texted her "Babe. Im in klcc. wanna meet up even for 5 mins". and ofcourse she said yes. She invited me to see her office but due to gile serious makgard, I didnt get a chance to even smell burton's aura. So she came down with ravishing smile plastered on her face. we kissed and hugged well yea thats what girls do when they meet up. Then i asked her "when is you engagement?". "this saturday" she said, then she continue asking " Are you coming to my engagement?" I was flabbergasted! When she announce it in her blog, i thought that its going to be a small party so thats why she didnt invite me. you know what i said to her "i wasnt invitedlah" she was shocked too.

"You didnt get my invitation????"

"No!!! when did you send it?"

"dah lama dahh..."

after long discussion we decided to blame on electronic mail server of both companies. ooops..:P. Kelakarlah. she was waiting for my reply while i was waiting for her invitation... I love my instinct. Alhamdulillah, without HIM i wouldnt have the instinct to see her let alone knowing about the invitation. but babe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im sooo happy for you and your lovely soon-to-be fiance. Ofcourse ill try to squeeze in some time for you. Love you babe! well i have blocked end of next year for you! just pray and hope that it didnt clash with anything.hiks!

my brown cow found a new love....

i feel like wanting to laugh at people's reaction when he announced it. They were surprised yet still trying to pretend that they werent. hah! I feel good..really good. when he announced it, i felt like wanting to scream(in joy!) on top of my lung ("owh yes!"). Now they know that he is my best friend. They always assume but they never ask. so this happen. assumption without investigation leads to false alarm. haih people!. next time please throw in questions.

brown cow: im truly happy with your decision. Insyaallah, ill back u up again n again..