spLaT!!!

im stuck.. trying to write something but nothing came out. got tagged by sarah, i almost finish doing it.. too lazy to blog it. to you, im ok rite now. i am....i really am...totally am. happy. with life but not love tho. i think i have become more n more unfocused each day. I cant do my work properly. I seem to forgot how to do a simple report. sigh. whats wrong with me? i need game... new game...

-brainless maniac-

a good sunday

Last night around 12 sumthing i got an sms from Ms. Im-gonna-get-married-end-of-week to invite me to spend my day with her, saloon and shopping. Being a ms.im-not-gonna-freak-out bestfriend, i immediately say Yes!!!! i invited sab along too. soo this morning i woke up a lot early than i should and start missing someone(when i have the courage, ill let u know..-imstillsingle-). I steer my car towards curve to meet both of them. By the time i reach there, Ms Im-gonna-get-married-end-of-week was there waiting. not too long though. so we went to hair kunzt. I propose to you to go there. they have the nicest PR and the best part of all they are attentive to muslim lady. they had set a place behind the curtain just for us. plus no extra charges!!!! i love it. the price is affordable enough for me. we sat there for hours to pamper ourself with treatment and haircut(both cost me RM150). Please do look for jojo, she/he is a senior stylist with sense of caring and very2 professional. my muscle in mouth area started to strech into a smile. yes i found my true sr.stylist love. luck doesnt stop there. I went for a smell of new parfum and the men there started to flirt with me. awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, usually i dont get this kind of attention. I usually leave it to my girlfrens. that alone makes my day. we moved on to tonight. I ordered pizza since im alone and everyone is mia and the pizzaman said that it will take 40 mins for them to deliver the food. Thinking that im not that hungry i hurrily said sure. after 20 mins waiting i started to feel hungry. keep on counting the clock and hoping that he will be late.hi hi. Im sure going to enjoy free pizza. He indeed come a bit late. He apologize sweetly(hes sweet oso) and i started to ask for a coupon. sadly he said they are out of coupon but he offered me chicken wings. its better than pizza.... yikes another luck strike me... basically i like today cause its been soo/too long ive been hit by luck 3 times a row. Alhamdulillah........

-im starting to believe in 'the secret'-
have a good day~

almost 4 months later.....

sorry for the long silence... seems like it has been a habit for me to disappear in blogger world. the reason i'm not updating is simply because i dont want to talk about my couz. she has been in my mind since her 100th days leaving us. I have a lots of stories to tell you but somehow its stuck cz shes blocking it. dont blame her, i just miss her...a lot. i wish i could let her go.........
tomorrow, there will be a tahlil for her. Im scared to go to family gathering because i know i will break down, plus things wont be the same.... am i mad for wishing that i will have to go work tomorrow so that i can run away from all these? or am i just a coward to face the present? i cant talk about it to others cz i know i will cry, infact im crying rite now. this is the only way i could transfer my feeling... i am not as transparent as i wish to be.. *sigh*

-how can i accept the present?-

missing you,
ur cousin..........................................

one little request from a friend....

The song you’ve been most singing to yourself recently
a song lokman. some singer he is. yeah im into malays these days... blame on traffic jam(s)...

What do you currently want right now?
my couz back

What did you do today?
watched AF rerun, CSI miami rerun, SHe drive me crazy, CSI New York, run to bank to bank in dad's mooooney and cooked spaggethi... i dont go to work today... im sick..as if!!

What have you been thinking about most today?
friends, her and families...

Do you ever just sit outside and watch the stars?
yeah... but i prefer watching it from my bed..

What is your current annoyance?
unknown people.

Do you want a new cell phone?
yes but it will take me forever to change new phone...

Are you waiting for someone right now?
yes... mr. right..

Name two things you’re looking forward for next week?
gym and dieting... ahahha soo in my dreams....

Can you make new friends easily?
depends on my mood.. if i go as happy go lucky then ure lucky..if i go as temparemental-idiotic girl, just hi and byebye...

Do you plan out what you wear the day before you wear it?
sometimes.. there are times that i planned it weeks before.. depends on the occasion..

What is life to you?
________________________________________________________________________ never ending... until Allah said so...

Have you ever fallen for your best friend?
nope.. there is rule saying no flingy fling with ur besties or ur will lose him as bff....

If you had a chance to save someone significant to you, would you?
yes.

How many times do you eat each day?
3 times!!!!!! i like breakfast.... lalalalala~

How do you cheer someone up?
by being there when someone needed me the most.

Are you a morning person?
depends on the morning... usually ill be groggily person.. buzz offf!!

Is it easier for you to fall asleep or to be woken?
easier to be woken but ill take time to response... just laying still pretending not to hear the alarm...

Think of one person, stick with it. You don’t have to say their name. Would you pick them up alone 100 plus miles away if it was your birthday?
no... id rather they pick me up.... but ill pick them up on their birthdays... heyyy a princess shouldnt drive 100 miles for a party... let the party come to her...on her birthday laaaa...

Give two reasons why you get distracted in work.
some annoying freaks who annoys me by walking or talking the way he/she is...
when someone said/email "IM BORED!!"

Do you think it’s funny when people get hurt?
nope... i think its scary...

Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris?
Paris... no doubt... i will go to tokyo only if i have extra money or on family vacation...

Do you have a guitar in your house?
yes..no...i dont know where my bro put his guitar....

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?
yes....wishing very hard...

How often do you get onto friendster?
once a week...

How long can you go without your mobile phone?
not forever...

Where’s your mobile phone?
somewhere...

i heart you~

over the years, i have been searching for a true meaning of friends and friendship. why do you called someone whom are not related to you a friend and how can you define its a friendship? i got an answer but i'm not too sure whether its right. for me, i can only call someone a friend when i can pour all my heart content to her without feeling of unwanted or even unheard. believe me, i never felt to have a friend until i overcome a big mess and found jewels inside lumpur.From them i learnt how to express my bundled up anger and also built up concern to a friend maybe in my case friends. from them i learnt the definition of friendship. friendship is a tie between you and the other person where you would do almost anything just to make him/her happy and he/she did too. Eventhough the link between both you sometimes get rusted but you can always shine it with love.. as for now I would like to thank you who read this for being someone in my life. If i dont know you, i do hope you can be someone in my life. I appreciate my lunch mates, my sOnes, my rempits and my rockers. Thank YOU!!!

Pieces dont fit anymore.

Puzzle comes in pieces which will create enjoyment for some people to glued together the pieces that in the end can only be one square or 3D picture. You try to fit every pieces of the puzzle by sorting it by colors or shapes. there are some who start to find shape that has straight cut in two sides of four. They start doing the puzzle with that piece. Some will start from middle and some will start from bottom. There are many ways to do the puzzle but it will end up with the same thing. There are times that you think its the best fit between 2 pieces but in the end its not. it belong to other piece's couple. Same goes for life. When we fall in love we think we complete each other. we are match made in heaven. we are perfect in any ways. But when we fall out of love, everything seems to be haywire. nothing matched. nothing perfect. Believe me, one way or another you will get hurt. even if you try to mend the broken link you can never get the same feeling like before. I just want you to move on. Find new piece to click with yours. By waiting, hoping and praying you will find your eternity. You will find him/her with Allah's will.

sugar rush..

i woke up with one mind set. only one. "to finish atleast one piece of j.co's donut". Brushed up my teeth making it uber clean and then start to attack the donut. first i ate Caviat mint. mint from toothpaste and donut makes me go uh uh uh... nyummies. To make the donut super delicious i ate it with OTH episode 12 of season 5 on thursday holiday morning.I think i have reached the 5th heaven. but when i see clutters in my room i went haywire. Gotta burn all those burger calory with reorganizing. will keep you posted now and then. ciaos..

today..

but its not today....
today i felt down to the lowest
Today i let anger overpowered my mind
Today i smashed all the hope
how today wasnt the same like yesterday

today i wished to to hug a man
today i longed for a friend
today i fear of tomorrow..
how today will not be tomorrow

today i need to grow up
today i need to sacrifice
today i need to be brave
but sadly its not today

what today brings will be tmorrows history
what yesterday brings only sorrow and happiness
but tmorrow brings will be the statement of all.
choose wisely on how to spend today
because one wrong step
will make you lose tomorrow
pray today for tmorrows benefit

truth or dare...

remember the game we used to play when we were young?? yeah the famous game ever... truth or dare. now choose carefully or you would end up regretting the choice you have made. Truth or dare have its own consequences.

TRUTH: when one secret you have been keeping all by yourself suddenly wanted to be heard by all your friends...damn you are screwed up... by then you have your brain work out overly to find one perfect lies to cover it up. example, when your classmate ask you about your crush on that particular somebody and you said "no, i dont have a crush on him, i have crush on mr. Boyd" giggle giggle sheepishly. owh man, rules of the game, once you lied, forever luck wont be by your side. forever. and ever. Another truth is when you were asked about something bad you have done to someone. Not to be stuck with unlucky slate, you start to spill the beans. a very bad beans. people start running away from you. o'oo you are too truthful to be handled. funny heh when you think truth can be soo cool at times. wrong story at the right moment. think about it.

DARE: some stupid action that other people seems to think of for you to execute with flying colors. if you bailed out just say goodbye to all and go be a chicken. friends can be mean at this moment. oooo chic chic chic chicken are you heh??!!!!

soo what is your choice? truth or dare?

I wish you were here...

i walked into my friend's car, throwing myself on the seat just to release some tension in me. It was a normal day for me. Waking up thinking of what shirt to wear and tudung to accompany with. All i am thinking that today would like the other day. Never did i thought it would change in just less than 24 hours. As i talked to my friend i played with my phone then i saw 4 miscall. it was from my sis's office. What did she desperately need that She herself can called 4 times and received only voicemail. Little did i know, i push the call button. She answered, i can hear her rock style voice and i thought she had flu. She said "Mum and dad are not at home. They went to visit Nabila. She is in ICU after having seizure this morning." I was flabbergasted, all i could think of is the last conversation i had with her. "Didnt you feel the sadness?"i asked and she replied "i have been crying since this morning. I dont think i have more energy to do so" At that time i am the positive thinker among all. With a strong mind i said she will be alright. I prayed that she will be alright. My feelings were numb. I couldnt cry not i could even express a laugh. Throughout the journey all i can repeat is the story my sister told to my friend. When i reached home i saw my brother.we talked a bit and i decided to buy dinner and see the doctor for my infected tonsil. The reason im driving just to take my mind off her. I received a call from my sister while waiting for doctor, she said SHE is in critical condition. That is all she can say coz after that she burst into tears. I hang up and started to call my brother. I was ok until i heard his voice. I choked while talking to him. My younger brother saw me and came nearer just to say that he is here. I pull out all the strength that i have left went inside and meet the doctor. When i reached home, my other brother came tp pick some stuff he left behind. He said that she might not even live through the night. I decided not to believe it. I know she is a strong girl. She was born after my granddad gone. I thought in order for one life is born, another life had to go in order to provide space for the newborn. how shallow i was during that time. 16 years passed by in a blink of an eyes. at 12.30 i received a call. Its THE CALL. She had been called to meet upon Almighty. I burst into tears because she is the only little girl cousin i have. My one and only one. Now i lost her. i remember when i hold her for the first time. I was 7 years old. All i could think of having all the fun in the world with her. Shes gone, i cant believe shes gone.
We used to huddled together, we kissed each other cheek, we start to feel awkward around when She enrolled herself in highschool, you salam n kissed my hand to show respect. there are moments when the cousins play trick on her, there are moments when we make her cheek red for being a fan of Anuar zain. but in Hj Sarman's family we only have of 11 cucus, 1 cicit and 4 pairs of the oldies. now there will be only 10 cousins. without you in our lives would always make a big different eventhough you thought you never had a big impact on us. did you know that ayah long crumbled a bit during last goodbye say to send you off to your permanent house... he was the only tough man we ever known for not being too emotional but somehow he did. he knew you will be going away that nite but he never shared the news with his kids. Did you know ayah chik keep ain posted on your condition every hour? i always tot that we will be closer when you finish your highschool but you leave way too early. i could not hold my tears when i saw your body all white without a trace of blood. I shed more tears when they started to dress you up with white long cloth. your face look tenang but your lips says the other way around. but Mak Long said that you leave in peace. Alhamdulillah. when i sat in front of you with white cloth wrapped tightly around you i realised you were really gone forever. when i kissed your forehead, i can feel the coldness on my lips. Kak Linda also kissed you. Abg Lan n Mamat n Zain also helped to carry you for the last bath. Ayah Ngah did carry you to the van awaiting to bring you to the eternity home. Abg Lan even went 6 feet below to safely tucked you in the last bed. AYah chu even be a hero to spread even the tanah on you. After sending you off we went our separate way. uncles and Aunts went back to KL with Ain. Abg Nol came a bit late. Zain cried a lot after youre gone. he never wanted to take a sip of milo or even air yasin. he didnt eat the whole day.he was tired. he really misses you. i ask mak long whats the causes and she said the doc maybe suspect you to have leukemia. When they send you to hospitals, your organ are failing one by one. Mom said your heart stopped 4 times. the last one you never revived. i need to say my final goodbye but i can never said goodbye. All i can say is that i love you. I cant stop thinking of you. Its been 3 weeks but i still wish i could see you during reunion. I can still imagining myself talking to you. How can i say goodbye? how can i let you go?