i walked into my friend's car, throwing myself on the seat just to release some tension in me. It was a normal day for me. Waking up thinking of what shirt to wear and tudung to accompany with. All i am thinking that today would like the other day. Never did i thought it would change in just less than 24 hours. As i talked to my friend i played with my phone then i saw 4 miscall. it was from my sis's office. What did she desperately need that She herself can called 4 times and received only voicemail. Little did i know, i push the call button. She answered, i can hear her rock style voice and i thought she had flu. She said "Mum and dad are not at home. They went to visit Nabila. She is in ICU after having seizure this morning." I was flabbergasted, all i could think of is the last conversation i had with her. "Didnt you feel the sadness?"i asked and she replied "i have been crying since this morning. I dont think i have more energy to do so" At that time i am the positive thinker among all. With a strong mind i said she will be alright. I prayed that she will be alright. My feelings were numb. I couldnt cry not i could even express a laugh. Throughout the journey all i can repeat is the story my sister told to my friend. When i reached home i saw my brother.we talked a bit and i decided to buy dinner and see the doctor for my infected tonsil. The reason im driving just to take my mind off her. I received a call from my sister while waiting for doctor, she said SHE is in critical condition. That is all she can say coz after that she burst into tears. I hang up and started to call my brother. I was ok until i heard his voice. I choked while talking to him. My younger brother saw me and came nearer just to say that he is here. I pull out all the strength that i have left went inside and meet the doctor. When i reached home, my other brother came tp pick some stuff he left behind. He said that she might not even live through the night. I decided not to believe it. I know she is a strong girl. She was born after my granddad gone. I thought in order for one life is born, another life had to go in order to provide space for the newborn. how shallow i was during that time. 16 years passed by in a blink of an eyes. at 12.30 i received a call. Its THE CALL. She had been called to meet upon Almighty. I burst into tears because she is the only little girl cousin i have. My one and only one. Now i lost her. i remember when i hold her for the first time. I was 7 years old. All i could think of having all the fun in the world with her. Shes gone, i cant believe shes gone.
We used to huddled together, we kissed each other cheek, we start to feel awkward around when She enrolled herself in highschool, you salam n kissed my hand to show respect. there are moments when the cousins play trick on her, there are moments when we make her cheek red for being a fan of Anuar zain. but in Hj Sarman's family we only have of 11 cucus, 1 cicit and 4 pairs of the oldies. now there will be only 10 cousins. without you in our lives would always make a big different eventhough you thought you never had a big impact on us. did you know that ayah long crumbled a bit during last goodbye say to send you off to your permanent house... he was the only tough man we ever known for not being too emotional but somehow he did. he knew you will be going away that nite but he never shared the news with his kids. Did you know ayah chik keep ain posted on your condition every hour? i always tot that we will be closer when you finish your highschool but you leave way too early. i could not hold my tears when i saw your body all white without a trace of blood. I shed more tears when they started to dress you up with white long cloth. your face look tenang but your lips says the other way around. but Mak Long said that you leave in peace. Alhamdulillah. when i sat in front of you with white cloth wrapped tightly around you i realised you were really gone forever. when i kissed your forehead, i can feel the coldness on my lips. Kak Linda also kissed you. Abg Lan n Mamat n Zain also helped to carry you for the last bath. Ayah Ngah did carry you to the van awaiting to bring you to the eternity home. Abg Lan even went 6 feet below to safely tucked you in the last bed. AYah chu even be a hero to spread even the tanah on you. After sending you off we went our separate way. uncles and Aunts went back to KL with Ain. Abg Nol came a bit late. Zain cried a lot after youre gone. he never wanted to take a sip of milo or even air yasin. he didnt eat the whole day.he was tired. he really misses you. i ask mak long whats the causes and she said the doc maybe suspect you to have leukemia. When they send you to hospitals, your organ are failing one by one. Mom said your heart stopped 4 times. the last one you never revived. i need to say my final goodbye but i can never said goodbye. All i can say is that i love you. I cant stop thinking of you. Its been 3 weeks but i still wish i could see you during reunion. I can still imagining myself talking to you. How can i say goodbye? how can i let you go?
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